Miss Twist's Weblog

Just need to slam this down somwhere while my brain buzzes…

Swords: Air aligned.

Intellect, communication, double edged, reason.

Problems, difficulties, resolutions, blocks and hard decisions.

Weapons – cut away at blocks and problems, cause harm, protect, destroy.

My room smells of Vanilla. My favourite candles are burning along with a few tea lights.

It’s Beltaine.

I felt uninspired, broken, sad this evening and had decided I would be doing nothing for this auspicious night. A storm broke, probably no more than an hour ago, and suddenly it was like with the lightening came everything I needed. I lit candles in my room and went to bathe. Rumbles of thunder broke the silent night as I bathed, flashes of lightening illuminated the bathroom far brighter than the ceiling light could. As I stepped out and dried off the rain started…

I walked into my room and tied a red scarf around my waist, it seemed right at the time. I wasn’t alone. My heart was pounding. An unusual sensation to say the least. I lay on my bed and began to speak, just letting the words flow. I had no plans, no script, no real clue. I spoke quietly firstly of the night and what it meant, of the witnessing storm washing away the years debris and accumulated grime.

I spoke then of moving forward. Of leaving behind the things I didn’t need and, in this case, the things I did that could not come with me. I spoke of my fears of going and just let it out. All the doubt and pain.

I asked, at one point, to be shown who it was who was with me, as it certainly was not my Dark, but received no answer other than the door opening a little more. I lay there for a while… then I did a tarot reading. Possibly one of the most positive readings I’ve ever had.

Any doubts I had left about the move are gone, it’s the right thing. The only non-happy, non-supportive things in the whole thing were warnings. Don’t let you’re guard down, don’t be lazy, you have to work for this.

Did some… rather graphic things as I worked on raising and releasing creative energies and undoing the block that’s been hindering me. I thin I’ll pass on details of that here.  By the time I was done the storm also was.

I’m typing this with the candles still burning while it’s fresh in my mind.

This is Beltaine, a night of new beginnings. When the veils are thing and the old is giving way to the new. Days will grow longer now, and warmer. There have been many big, and important, decisions made in my life over the past 7-14 days.

I am leaving behind this city, the one I love and that calls me back, to follow my passion for art into full time education. With this move comes great sadness, that was for a period tonight, almost overwhelming, but is now there but muted. This is the sacrifice, leaving my loved ones, that I have to make this year.

I have also made more personal decisions regarding friendships and relationships. I have fights that I have chosen and others that I no longer wish to partake in. I choose my battlefields with more care.

The last 12 months have been long, and tiring, and though I see in the new year without company I am not alone. My loved ones are there should I pick up my phone, and that will not change. I face the coming months with mixed feelings. Sorrow at what I will sacrifice, excitement with what is to come and above all a growing sense of hope.

So, after month’s of fighting with myself, I have finally given up and admitted it. I want to move back to Perth for a variety of reasons. Namely school and financial reasons but there are a few other things in there as well.

So I’m saying goodbye to Melbourne some time next year…

I’m not really sure what to say. I know it’s the right thing to do but at the same time it’s killing me.

Melbourne isn’t the place I think of as home, that implies I have a say in it.

Melbourne claimed me. I belong to it. And I’m walking away…

He sat on the end of the desk watching her.

She typed quickly. There was a faint smile lingering about her lips. “You’re very distracting”

“That was the aim”

“And?”

“Put a shirt on.”

“Nope.” He was half laughing, she could feel it. She studied him carefully out of the corner of her eye. All that wild, long black hair and pale skin. He sat on the end of her desk, half dressed, distracting, and…

Well, very distracting.

Inspired by the very distracting servitor. I knew he had a purpose in my life.

I’ve been doing urban influenced magic for most of my time as a Chaote. I lived close to the city and I still spend most my time in the city though I no longer live there. It started from the realisation that magic as I had started it in the ‘burbs just didn’t work right in the city. Energies move totally differently for a start, there’s more emotional turmoil and it generally just has more feedback magically that hinders rather than helps unless you adapt.

Adapt I did and became, over the years, reasonably good at what I do, but for all that my magic is still mostly indoor out of the way kind of stuff. Working with the flow of the city but not the city itself. After a few threads on various boards I’m beginning to look into the later. With the weather so cold (what the hell happened to those nice mild nights?) I’m doing the reading and thinking part at the moment, but I want to move beyond that.

For the curious the excellent Ekistomancy blog is a good place to start.

Here is my city, that I fully intend to get to know:

Melbourne: Southbank after dark

I plan to start talking to the city at the lights out front of Reservoir station that I cross every time I want to go into the city or go home from the city. Close to home and then work in…

My backs quite sore and the hens night at Witches in Britches (theatre restaurant for those not in Melbourne) was fun though my knee is officially fucked. The trip home was interesting to say the least. My usual confidence was shot because my knee was hurting quite badly whenever I moved on it or tried to pivot and I was on my own feeling vulnerable…

Dark ended up keeping me company most the way home. He/it/ze is currently curled up beside me on the bed, taking up most of it really. He is very tall after all. It’s strange being alone but not at the same time. He’s not real, at least not in a physical form. He’s a servitor-come-guardian-come-companion. Having him nearby the entire trip home got me to thinking about visualisation. I’ve been asked about technique a few times lately as I’m very good at producing strong visualisations and Dark is by far one of my best achievements in that field. Believe me it’s not that easy to visualise soemthing that changes according to its own will not yours.

Anyway point is I was asked and now I’m writing about how I achieve the results I do and here’s a rather vague 2am post…

For me it’s about engaging the senses, as many as possible. I don’t just see Dark. I hear him and smell him. I’m still working on physical sensation. There have been a few break through moments but not thing that wasn’t entirely fleeting. It started with snakes. For those of you who have not been exposed to the pleasures of handling a snake or are simply unwilling to allow me to describe what I visualise. I’ve been handling snakes since I was really little so am able to really get into this which is why starting visualisation exercises using something you’re familiar with is the best start. I tend to work with small snakes. First thing I notice about snakes is that they’re heavier than they look, so there’s pressure against your skin. They’re quite warm despite being a reptile, though usually a touch cooler than your own skin temperature at first. So you’ve got a weight on you and it’s about the same temperature as your skin, I focus on that until I’ve got that down. Then I work on the little details. Making the visualisation move requires a fairly good understranding of anatomy. Snakes move on a horizontal plane, their scales grip at the surface beneath them and they move forward by pushin off of this surface, always flexing muscle side to side rather than up and down. The scales are important here, snake scales are not, despite how they may seem, slimy. They’re fascinatinly dry and textured on the underside, smooth on the upper body, so you’re feeling thr rougher scales push against your skin and the body is basically rippling muscle squeezing and releasing to create motion. I follow this through with the slight tickling sensation of the snakes tongue as they tend to flick it in and out frequently, this is how they sense/smell. By the time I’ve gotten to this point I’ve usually automatically brought smell into it. Snakes smell of their environment, so a rainforest tree dwelling snake will generally smell sort of loamish. Visuals are easy from this point, if I even bother. That’s it really. I learnt that then just applied it to other things.

So I’m house hunting at the moment.

This started on Friday when on the way out to see the most lovely Persephone we stopped and grabbed a list of rentals in her area. We, being Frater Victatio and I, were laden down with tasty things and heading over to Persephone’s for fun and talking.We do this most Friday’s and it is much much MUCH fun.

Sitting with he and Persephone looking through the list enthused me more than anything has and I finally started actually being less vague and more serious about it all. So I picked two places to check out this morning. Created a Sigil for the one of the two I really liked and went off to dance the night away…

Well sigil got dance magic, sex magic (oh dear lords that was FUN) and a whole lot of intent magic thrown into it. Today, when inspecting the place, I sigil bombed it as I A) have no ethical qulams about doing so and B) loved it. By sigil bombing I mean that I dropped sigils by tracing them onto surfaces in every room as well as the front and back door. And yet at the far end of it I don’t think it’ll work.

The place is too expensive for me on my own as much as I love it (And oh my gods I DO love it, it’s gorgeous) and I think that knowledge is going to be my undoing. I’ve lined up a few other places out that way I want to look at. I like the area a lot, it feels nice. These other places are all within affordable range without a housemate and super affordable with one (Under $100 a week each).

Sooooo plans… I’m going to create a new sigil with a slighlty different intent that is basically bring me what I need (2 bedroom house, laundry facilities, with garden or balcony, sunlight and cat safe in the Reservoir area) sigil and do some major work towards this.

I’m enthused so I’m feeding that momentum while I have it.

Two pages of writing tonight. All on my healing work but the most journalling I’ve done willingly in some years.

At this point I’m getting the groundwork out of the way. The basics of what I’m aiming for, what I’m already doing, and what’s wrong in general.

So what am I aiming for?

I’m looking at this holistically in the sense the body and mind are connected via energies and that the problems in my mind are causing or aggravating problems within my body which is messing up the flow of energies through my body such as messing with my chakra points. I’m aiming to heal myself, properly rather than just bury the problems deeper within myself. This will be a long, hard working I know.

What are the problems?

A number of issues relating to self image, other people, sexual relations, and childhood issues to start with my mind. Physically I have a low auto-immune system, asthma, numerous general getting old issues with bones,  muscles and joints, weight, digestive-come-stomach problems and cystic ovaries.

What am I doing about them so far?

Been seeing a therapist though have discontinued that for the time being and am currently working through women who run with wolves. I’m seeing a doctor regarding some of the more severe physical problems whilst exploring other options.

What I am looking at adding to this…

A magical aid. My inner child needs healing and the past can not be undone so I need to face it. I’ll be doing this using a combination of normal cognitive therapies, energy manipulations and straight out magic. I am beginning now to explore what I can do and what I want to do. Working it all into something coherant will come slightly later as I need to be in a safe, stable environment to do this and between work being up in the air and moving being no better I am very much not in that position right now.

I had a dream last night. I’m sure I dream quite regularly but I generally don’t remember. I remember last nights mainly because it gave my quite the fright.

I, at least I think it was meant to be me, was walking down the road. It was the middle of nowhere, dusty and dry (kind of desert like) with the occasional massive rock. I’m walking along when I come to this old rock and there’s an ancient old woman sitting under it with a large pack. She’s headed the way I am but is very old and tired so I try to hitchike.

This large truck-come-desert-train (very modern and kind of sci-fi looking) stops. The drivers a blond man with a scarred up face (I can’t see this but I know it’s true) I put her bag in and jump up. She climbs up after me and as I’m assisting her up the last section into the cab she tells him she going to “something” square. He says “I remember that place”.

She very suddenly turns into a wraith type creature and lunges…

I can’t remember who she lunged at but gave me quite a start and I woke up here.

So things I can tell you that mght be relevant are that I was going to my grandfathers and that it appeared to be me but not the now me. In fact it appeared to be the future me. One upper arm had my chaos star tattoo on it, the other had a half sleeve done in grey’s and blacks (Wolves featured quite prominantly). I was wearing a singlet and dirty, torn jeans with the normal bright red hair and boots.

In early January I posted this

This is the mid year redux post in which I laugh at myself for not having even remotely done what I was planning.Lemme see… Before e start, in my defence, this year has been a complete write off so far.

Monthly Tarot - Complete fail however I have been using my decks more and more so I am getting more familiar with it and thanks to Alan Moore’s Promethea I’m enthused to really get in and study them.

Inner Temple of Witchcraft – FAIL

Meditation - Still with the leg problems but have been doing the dd bit of yoga

Devotions - Were going quite well to my little crisis of faith

So what have I been doing?

Well other than a minor melt down, my own fault now that I think about it, I did call upon Violet Grimm, I’ve been… having  a minor melt down.

Someone might want to grab that there leash of mine...

At the moment I’m delving further into the tarot, looking at some healing stuff for my minor melt down (not so minor really) and am doing some aromatherapy study. I’m still daydreaming about the personal divination deck and focussing mostly on my art.

That’s it really, nothing much to see here.