Miss Twist's Weblog

My room smells of Vanilla. My favourite candles are burning along with a few tea lights.

It’s Beltaine.

I felt uninspired, broken, sad this evening and had decided I would be doing nothing for this auspicious night. A storm broke, probably no more than an hour ago, and suddenly it was like with the lightening came everything I needed. I lit candles in my room and went to bathe. Rumbles of thunder broke the silent night as I bathed, flashes of lightening illuminated the bathroom far brighter than the ceiling light could. As I stepped out and dried off the rain started…

I walked into my room and tied a red scarf around my waist, it seemed right at the time. I wasn’t alone. My heart was pounding. An unusual sensation to say the least. I lay on my bed and began to speak, just letting the words flow. I had no plans, no script, no real clue. I spoke quietly firstly of the night and what it meant, of the witnessing storm washing away the years debris and accumulated grime.

I spoke then of moving forward. Of leaving behind the things I didn’t need and, in this case, the things I did that could not come with me. I spoke of my fears of going and just let it out. All the doubt and pain.

I asked, at one point, to be shown who it was who was with me, as it certainly was not my Dark, but received no answer other than the door opening a little more. I lay there for a while… then I did a tarot reading. Possibly one of the most positive readings I’ve ever had.

Any doubts I had left about the move are gone, it’s the right thing. The only non-happy, non-supportive things in the whole thing were warnings. Don’t let you’re guard down, don’t be lazy, you have to work for this.

Did some… rather graphic things as I worked on raising and releasing creative energies and undoing the block that’s been hindering me. I thin I’ll pass on details of that here.  By the time I was done the storm also was.

I’m typing this with the candles still burning while it’s fresh in my mind.

This is Beltaine, a night of new beginnings. When the veils are thing and the old is giving way to the new. Days will grow longer now, and warmer. There have been many big, and important, decisions made in my life over the past 7-14 days.

I am leaving behind this city, the one I love and that calls me back, to follow my passion for art into full time education. With this move comes great sadness, that was for a period tonight, almost overwhelming, but is now there but muted. This is the sacrifice, leaving my loved ones, that I have to make this year.

I have also made more personal decisions regarding friendships and relationships. I have fights that I have chosen and others that I no longer wish to partake in. I choose my battlefields with more care.

The last 12 months have been long, and tiring, and though I see in the new year without company I am not alone. My loved ones are there should I pick up my phone, and that will not change. I face the coming months with mixed feelings. Sorrow at what I will sacrifice, excitement with what is to come and above all a growing sense of hope.