Miss Twist's Weblog

So I’m house hunting at the moment.

This started on Friday when on the way out to see the most lovely Persephone we stopped and grabbed a list of rentals in her area. We, being Frater Victatio and I, were laden down with tasty things and heading over to Persephone’s for fun and talking.We do this most Friday’s and it is much much MUCH fun.

Sitting with he and Persephone looking through the list enthused me more than anything has and I finally started actually being less vague and more serious about it all. So I picked two places to check out this morning. Created a Sigil for the one of the two I really liked and went off to dance the night away…

Well sigil got dance magic, sex magic (oh dear lords that was FUN) and a whole lot of intent magic thrown into it. Today, when inspecting the place, I sigil bombed it as I A) have no ethical qulams about doing so and B) loved it. By sigil bombing I mean that I dropped sigils by tracing them onto surfaces in every room as well as the front and back door. And yet at the far end of it I don’t think it’ll work.

The place is too expensive for me on my own as much as I love it (And oh my gods I DO love it, it’s gorgeous) and I think that knowledge is going to be my undoing. I’ve lined up a few other places out that way I want to look at. I like the area a lot, it feels nice. These other places are all within affordable range without a housemate and super affordable with one (Under $100 a week each).

Sooooo plans… I’m going to create a new sigil with a slighlty different intent that is basically bring me what I need (2 bedroom house, laundry facilities, with garden or balcony, sunlight and cat safe in the Reservoir area) sigil and do some major work towards this.

I’m enthused so I’m feeding that momentum while I have it.

Two pages of writing tonight. All on my healing work but the most journalling I’ve done willingly in some years.

At this point I’m getting the groundwork out of the way. The basics of what I’m aiming for, what I’m already doing, and what’s wrong in general.

So what am I aiming for?

I’m looking at this holistically in the sense the body and mind are connected via energies and that the problems in my mind are causing or aggravating problems within my body which is messing up the flow of energies through my body such as messing with my chakra points. I’m aiming to heal myself, properly rather than just bury the problems deeper within myself. This will be a long, hard working I know.

What are the problems?

A number of issues relating to self image, other people, sexual relations, and childhood issues to start with my mind. Physically I have a low auto-immune system, asthma, numerous general getting old issues with bones,  muscles and joints, weight, digestive-come-stomach problems and cystic ovaries.

What am I doing about them so far?

Been seeing a therapist though have discontinued that for the time being and am currently working through women who run with wolves. I’m seeing a doctor regarding some of the more severe physical problems whilst exploring other options.

What I am looking at adding to this…

A magical aid. My inner child needs healing and the past can not be undone so I need to face it. I’ll be doing this using a combination of normal cognitive therapies, energy manipulations and straight out magic. I am beginning now to explore what I can do and what I want to do. Working it all into something coherant will come slightly later as I need to be in a safe, stable environment to do this and between work being up in the air and moving being no better I am very much not in that position right now.

Frustrated, frustrated, frustrated…

Gah! Brains!! What’s going on with me.

Now that the cat’s out of the bag with all my close friends I’ll let it out in the general world. My relationship with Sean is over.We’re still friends, we’re still living together, we’ll probably still fuck for some years to come once there’s a little distance between us, but the actual relationship, joined at the hip crap, is gone. We’re in separate rooms which is sheer bliss. I have ME space that I can keep tidy.

I’m run down at the moment. Really tired all the time. I’m hoping it’s just my iron levels going nuts, they do that once in a while and it usually lasts a week to a fortnight. I don’t want to be sick or sinking into another depression. I don’t think it’s depression though I’m mentally in a pretty good place.

I’m pissing off to QLD for a wedding in May. 5 days in Townsville for that followed by 5 in Cairns with Doktor Bedlam (I should add his blog to my list). I can’t wait!

Also looking for another job. I do this periodically, because my job is annoying.

Magically I’m active but not at the moment. I’ve started journaling regularly and my mind’s turning various things over and over and tweaking and playing with ideas. Feeling so tired though, so I’m not doing much other than lighting a candle with my thoughts going to the people caught in Victoria’s horrible fires. Once I’ve moved house and settled into it all I’m going to start with guided meditations.

My curiosity regarding drugs, in particular the milder hallucinogens, is growing and I’m putting serious thought to talking to a few friends and trying them in a controlled environment. I do however have some interesting experiments to try with mind altering states that don’t involve stimulants like hallucinogens so I’m testing those out first. There’s a lot I want to do but living with Sean and, soon, the Moffat’s I’m still going to have to play it safe. *Sigh*

So that’s where I’m at. Tired, run down, over worked and moving forward with pig headed determination. Looking forward to Nat’s birthday party tonight.

2nd Part of the correspondence of theory and practice with Dana of Crying of the Siren

My apologies for the rambling on this one.

The concept of home varies from person to person. I see us as having two homes. The first is the physical one we live in the second is our shell, our body.

For me the physical home is a sacrosanct place where no one may tread without my permission. It’s my shelter from the storm around me. The only people ever invited into it, other than the most beloved man I live with, are those very close to me, the people I’d happily trust with my life, soul and heart without a second thought, and even then only rarely is an invitation extended. I am a private person and my home is a private place. Here I keep all my secrets tucked away in corners, my hidden passions, my silly dreams. There are places within the home that are more important to me than others. The kitchen, for example, is the heart of the home to me. I come from a large family and cooking was a big part of our bonding time and now it is the same with my partner and I. You can guarantee, no matter how stressed we are, that we spend a good half hour each night in the kitchen and another hour or two talking over and after dinner.

My house itself is my alter. I don’t have a deity based practice though I have deity in my life so I feel no need to keep a fully functioning alter set up in a specific place. I work with what I have at hand in whatever space is appropriate at the time. Spells involving mess are done in the kitchen, spells involving my mental state are done in the bathroom etc. Quan Yin watches over us from the top of the book shelf in the lounge room. Morpheus, king of dreams, will be watching over us in the bedroom (as soon as I figure out which box he’s in). My gods, traditional or otherwise, are scattered thorough out the home rather than located in one space and are moved whenever whim or necessity calls. This requires a level of dedication to the up-keep of the home. Shelves to be dusted, floors kept clean and above all the place kept tidy. As mine is a shared space this gets tedious and difficult at times yet it is through the sharing that the home is most bought to life.

To protect it, for both myself and my partner, is important both with physical and metaphysical locks and securities. I’ve yet to put locks here of any great nature outside of of the general deadlocks and most basic of spells which is a permanent irritation. So much to do so little time in this day. Herbs and oils need to be bought and mixed, then laid out on stairs and around perimeters. Servitors need to be created/worked on/reactivated for various things… it will be done and discussed further later.

The second home is me, myself, I. My body, the place where my thoughts live, that which houses my soul, my heart, my mind, and my magic. It is a home I have a love hate relationship with. I would never want it gone or drastically changed yet it is limited in its way. Easily weakened and rendered useless by illness it bothers me with complaints and aches. Yet when all is well and in harmony it is good and right and an absolute power house of energy and focus.

My body is soon to be decorated with sigils of it’s own to assist it in it’s healing and maintaining it’s good health, and is already decorated liberally. A titanium bar through my tongue protecting against those little white lies we speak far too easily, a reminder that words are power and as such should be watched. A pair of simple holes in my ears, a childhood birthday present of earrings, reminding me of my family and that which has been and should be remembered. The clothes I wear, sheltering and revealing in turn, are reflections of the mind within, of personal tastes and desires, some of which are blessed or purposed with sigils and spells to meet ends. Boots that keep me on my path, and jackets marked out to make a certain type of person turn a blind eye to my existence late at night when I’m walking alone.

The body is the home I must feed and nourish in order for it to grow strong. The place I house my magic, the facilitator of my actions, and the storer of my dreams, hopes and most intimate thoughts. The body is the home I neglect, push to far, harm and brutalise without realising it until I am, yet again, sick. It is a home I dump toxins into readily without ever thinking about it, and the place I once starved and tormented in order to meet a social standard that is becoming increasingly impossible to meet and that I have since given up on ever attaining. Sad, considering it is the true home, the temple and the place I should truly worship. I feel the body is the home that many practitioners of magic often neglect far too readily. Especially those practicing “high magic” and trying to leave the troubles of the physical realm behind.